You Don't Have to Yell

So called reality

Right there on my TV

If that's how life's suppose to be, well

Somebody's lying

Being transplanted into Hollywood has been a trip, to say the least. I never would have considered that this would have been possible even a year ago. There is a plan in all of this somewhere, though I cannot seem to find the map. Perhaps I was never supposed to find it here. Certainly not yet. I am wandering blind - feeling blind, I have but one place to turn. There is no compass for life but to call on God for guidance. Certainly the media, the common culture, has not given us a good pillar to lean on.

The camera's on and we can tell

To keep your fame you have to yell

Cause tensions build

And products sell and

We're all buying

I hope we're smarter than this

I am surrounded more than ever by the wrong signs here. I thought that it was hard to ignore the nuances of our culture of lust before entering into the entertainment hub of the world. What did I know? Here it is on every billboard, every street corner, the side of every building. At least they are not still advertising the release of the latest "Grand Theft Auto" video game. I am not sure, though, that those adds were any more perplexing than the adds that I see for the 'sassy' shows - the ones full of drama and most of all of glorified defiant women.

Everybody take a breath

Why are all your faces red?

We're missing all the words you said

You don't have to yell!

I caught myself this week forgetting to breathe. It is so easy to let that happen here. I have come to the conclusion that I am not cut out to be a social worker (that was never really in question) at least in the sense of case management. Certainly this placement has done exactly as it was intended to in stretching me well beyond my comfort zones. I am grateful. I am also grateful that I have discovered this here rather than after years of pursuing it or something of the like. I love that the days are nonstop and that we are not confined within the walls of an office, but to some extent, this job is too far outside of those walls, or any walls. How do we stop to breathe when our job is to make it so that someone else can? The paradox, the hard but necessary balance, is to learn to stop and breathe with them.

Draw your lines

And choose your sides

Cause many thing are worth the fight

But louder doesn't make you right

You don't have to yell,

Oh, You don't have to

Over all of the babel I am having a hard time hearing the truth - and when I do, I am not so sure that I am listening. The lessons to learn here are innumerable - both good and bad. I cannot know if I have picked up on the right ones or if I am still floating in a sea of folly. Here is a reminder to look back at the quiet ones. I have a book that is my "AHA" journal for the year - it was suggested to us by someone who spent a year in Doolos - a similar program. In it, of the six lessons that I have recorded since I began again, 4 relate directly to love. Love for sure is a quiet lesson for us to learn, and a quiet reassurance when it has arrived in our hearts, quiet support for our people - barely a whisper. Love is the first lesson, the foundation, the whole support structure of our faith and (should be) of our lives.

I turned in to hear the new

I don't want you point of view

If that's the best you can do

Then something's missin'

And experts on whatever side

You plug your eyes,

You scream your lines

You claim to have an open-mind

But nobody's listening

One of my coworkers likes to express tidbits of wisdom from time to time, usually he says the same one for about a week at a time, over and over, but there is some usefulness to it - if only because it is a good memorization technique. This week he has been throwing in "God gave us two ears but only one mouth; heed the ratio" at every opportunity. There is something to it, to say the least. I hope I was quiet long enough to hear him this week. I pray that I will learn the quiet necessary to hear God whispering his way through my life. If I am yelling he will not force me to be quiet so that I can hear him, but he will be waiting when I stop to take a breath.

Everybody take a breath

Why are all your faces red?

We're missing all the words you said

You don't have to yell

Jesus explained to his disciples the new commandment, greater than the others, to love one another as he has loved them. By no means is this command new until we consider that in Jesus' life we have a standard clearly illustrated for us in Him. Jesus, too, was soft spoken. Have I already drowned him out? Have I already refused to hear him once too often? I pray again for my heart to be broken, especially here, this night that is Good Friday - Father FORCE me to see the pain that I am causing for my savior, even in this moment, by my sinful nature...